Author: Christopher Waugh

Ladies and Gentlemen, London Nautical is a prestigious Naval School founded, as we know, in 1915 after the sinking of ‘The Titanic’. Now, since then, many of we headmasters and teachers have passed through the school- the unfortunate, grotesque and downright bottom of the food chain. We thrive on results, prey on the disobedient and predominantly fret over the ‘ethos’ surrounding our students. This precious goldmine of a substance fills the bones of every student to have stepped into our community. It is not a secret that our ethos has taken a hit in recent years, and unless we come together now to sort it out then our following generations could have to suffer in the worst possible manner- to agonise under the absence of our obsolete prestigious commandments! Thus I have taken my time with (paid) leave to contemplate the actions that must be taken for the future and success of our boys.

To begin, and most importantly, having the London Nautical ethos is the greatest thing to happen in your life. Therefore we must only be associated with the similar counterparts who, regardless of creed can become our countrymen. The case of infiltration would only result in our boys being represented in an orderly and gentlemanly manner.

Every child loves the rewarding sensation of his hard work being acknowledged. The School shall above all undertake to ensure that every pupil shall have the possibility of triumph through the classroom system. This will be implemented and a self motivating award of a ‘watchmark’ merit shall be given. The pride this reward gives makes a child value his own success and see that he is working ahead of the group. However, this is absolutely scandalous as we all know that all students should be valued the same. Therefore the value of the rewards given must be null, making the pretty, signed, gold paper about as relevant as a bathing suit at a nudist colony.

We demand the union of all boys in London Nautical School on the basis of high standards maintained within the school community and all peoples. They are expected to follow this code whenever they are on the school premises, on a school journey, attending an off-site venue, on their way home, on vacation, attending a new school, finished with the LNS education system or living a new capitalist life in a conquered land.

Becoming part of a school community can be a challenge, especially learning to work with new people and finding other creatures of equal class to associate yourself with. To ensure that students can have a realistic introduction into the fairness of the outside world we must make sure every boy is treated with the same discourtesy and inequity that they shall experience once they have graduated our blessed system. Inevitably it will not be possible to meet the needs of all pupils, meaning aliens to the system (neglected lower ability students) must be expelled to ensure that only the top achieving are entitled to the privilege of being taught what they already know.

Taking this further, a fundamental issue with the education system right now is the belief that students still questioning society should mix among possible successes of the future. Teaching an ill-educated student who has their own view on the world is worthless, this catch 22 has led us into focusing on just those that don’t particularly need the help. I am creating a program of intelligent, un-questioning beings under the code-name ‘fast track’. They shall follow orders and hoover funds and resources taken from the other common students. The specialised force will be used in operations such as the example class for an Ofsted inspection or trial for a new teacher that we could potentially capture into our society. Once made, any further immigration of pupils into LNS society fast-track master race must be prevented to promote an oversubscribed entrance to the school. A lack of teaching to the unfortunate remainder of students will make sure the top tier remain superior.

Those undistinguished pupils shall live in the school as foreigners and must be subject to the law of aliens. We see clearly that this conflict could only end with the extermination of our very best Nautical peoples, or that the intruders must disappear from our midst and academic sector to return to their primitive slums.

I am setting these rules as necessities for our society and they shall be followed. The commandments can only be undermined by a swarm with the intent to attack an intact system. They shall be removed! London Nautical shall strive and become perfection in the eyes of George Osborne himself!

This is not a proposal but a blessed command onto this sacred school. Despite its perfections the disciplinary system must be struck through every school half term to ensure that the pupils are not able to adapt to and manipulate causing any further trouble. I welcome you to a new future of this school and to every new future that shall come each half term.

You’re still waiting for her to finish, squealing through every note. Some godly foot stamps on the cat’s tail again and again unleashing a new round, verse, chorus or whatever the hell this is. The worst thing is that you know who should be up there performing for the crowd- cheers should rattle the tinder roof. Instead the ceiling cowers and trembles. You break a sweat when the jarred vibrations squirm through your ears to greet you. Look at the dirt and dust on this side of the curtain, or how that girl’s costume strikes your eye with sharp creases. The others must manage to distract themselves somehow, mustn’t they? Or maybe you’re the only one to feel this. Backstage tenses and flexes for a long while after the first appalling act of the rehearsal goes by. You begin to recall your whole piece now and notes bounce across your lap, of course only ringing out inside your own head. Lord help the soul who makes a noise louder than the pulse escaping their tempted mouth. The notes sustain, drop and flow to create your personal sound-scape. You pray to the musical gods of Tchaikovsky, Chopin and modern day pop trash.

A new hopeful participant enters on the endless factory line- almost a possibility of impressing, their flute glides through the hall. Now this is more like what you play for, sweet symphonies and cadences. Back when you were 9 things seemed to be pure, music and a seamless household connected. This compares with the unhinged reality of mess from the past few weeks. The percussionists strike a strange timbre and you are brought back to a tight squeeze in what was mellow silence- maybe mixed with a little humid air and a pinch of odour to complement.

He sat in the empty rows of the silently applauding audience and sighed, for at least a moment had passed from the last glance at his cheap, scratched Casio watch. He made a mental note to clean the curtain which was dirtily smudged. It must have been since the last time he washed the ancient pride and joy of the stage. Finding jobs to do in this trash-filled palace was easy enough and needed to be done to make sure the musical façade stayed intact. At worst he could scream out to anyone that could listen and express what was hidden beneath the solid concrete ground, behind the velvet curtain, trapped so dearly. He pictured the notes now, staccato and jolting, the pretty and graceful tune they once played echoed around the hall.

Isabelle Kerr manages to contradict (and outright embarrass) herself while writing a critical piece commenting on the use of slang by the youth of today. Her criticism and negative manner towards colloquialisms is demolished by her own hypocritical use of the language. The logic of her arguments are absolutely faulted by contradicting herself, an ironic disaster.

Isabelle Kerr obviously does not comprehend what fantastic things have come out of language diversity. From colloquialisms and invented words English has evolved to become a captivating and beautiful language. The use of poetry through the language can follow a mesmerising tone with words that slip off the edge of the tongue. Ironically some of these are words that have been shortened through the ages, such as an example of a piece of vocabulary from the ‘era of great language and literary triumph’ that Isabelle describes. This is of course the word ’twere’, a contraction of the phrase ‘it were’. Has Kerr realised that that this was originally a term derived from ‘slang’ and was using this to pull our leg, or is she just unaware of insulting us with her insolence? She follows by saying ‘or worse, shortening…already perfectly good words.’, coming directly after the praise for her ‘archaic’ and ‘reminiscent’ word twere. Her lack of knowledge and ability to continuously undermine her own argument is a spectacle (so much so that I think it should be used for students to study how to not to write an article).

Kerr’s next flaw in her letter to address colloquial problems is that she has clearly not researched into the fight against ‘slang’, or even some of literature’s greatest writers. “Shakespeare will be turning in his grave” was a phrase used to make the reader think that language used today would be loathed by a past writer, an extremely important figure related to the developing of the English language. Unfortunately William Shakespeare, writer of many famous plays including Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth, Hamlet and many more happened to be very well known for creating his own words which were consequently added to the dictionary. The list includes words such as nervy, rancorous, puke and assassination- which at the time would have been considered colloquial terms and a separate dialect from the standard English language. After all why should we not follow a great master of the English language when we can instead listen to a 20 year old analysing concepts far out of her depth who is a mis-representative of her generation. Her hypocrisy is irritating and so is to believe that people would attempt to speak about this ‘generation’s feeble etymological contribution’. I would love to see some of Kerr’s great contributions (other than her skill to lie about not knowing the definition of twerking- of course to impress others that she has been living in a cave her whole life).

Taking a shot at the Dictionary Kerr manages to mess up the difference between the online and physical dictionaries. Kerr states that by including some of these new words online, ‘the Oxford dictionaries are awarding these dismal words a degree of permanence’. Now other than her personal opinion about how useless these words are (which is perfectly acceptable) she refers to a ‘permanence’ about the online dictionary. We know that what is defined on the internet is far from the definitions of what is accepted formally into our language, so by saying that by putting words such as ‘twerking’ online keeps them forever is blowing the action completely out of proportion.

Our Isabelle questions why these slang words have been elevated to a level of permanence and authority. My question to you is: why has somebody elevated Isabelle Kerr to a level of permanence and authority inside the Telegraph to be allowed to publish this horrendous article.

In Romeo and Juliet Shakespeare explores the in many ways. He uses it to communicate his idea of how everything is set up in plan for Romeo and Juliet’s life, and god is in control of it, and not them. In this essay I will explain the ways in which he uses them and what effect they have on the audience of the play, and explains how you supposedly cannot escape fate.

One of the ways that he communicates the idea of fate is in the chance meeting of Romeo and Juliet. From Romeo seeing the invitation for the party to him falling in love at first sight with Juliet it could not be a coincidence. They were meant for each other, they were star crossed lovers and god had decided it should be that way. When Romeo stumbles across Peter in the street Peter happens to not be educated. The Capulets could have chosen any man go and deliver the invitation yet still the man that they sent happened to find help from Romeo. Also in real life it is not usual to suddenly see someone and both people fall in love at the first sight.

William Shakespeare also demonstrates the use of fate in the chorus. The chorus is used to narrate what is happening, and so in the intro he tells everybody what is going to happen: Romeo and Juliet are going to kill themselves.

“A pair of star-cross’d lovers take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their parents’ strife.”

William Shakespeare does this to demonstrate that characters cannot escape their own fate. This also gives the audience a fell of power and awareness over the characters lives. The audience throughout the play hope that Romeo and Juliet will not die, so this gives suspense throuout the play.

Another use of fate is where the characters themselves unconscionably predict there own future. For example:

“JULIET (gesturing towards Romeo)

What’s he that follows there, that would not dance?

NURSE

I know not.

JULIET

Go ask his name: if he be married.

My grave is like to be my wedding bed.”

In this text Juliet describes how if Romeo were to be married then her ‘grave shall be her wedding bed’. She Is therefore predicting the future, as her grave does turn out to be her wedding bed.

Using words again to explore fate, Shakespeare uses Metaphors. The metaphor is a very powerful use of language, but is not always noticed when reading or watching a play.It is where certain words are used to make a picture of something -in this case- that will happen in the future. For example:

LADY CAPULET
What say you? Can you love the gentleman?
This night you shall behold him at our feast.
Read o’er the volume of young Paris’ face
And find delight writ there with beauty’s pen.
Examine every married lineament
And see how one another lends content,
And what obscured in this fair volume lies
Find written in the margin of his eyes.
This precious book of love, this unbound lover,
To beautify him only lacks a cover.

All of these word in bold have something to do do with books, suggesting again that he play is a book and the fate of Romeo and Juliet cannot be changed. Also when Lady Capulet says “To beautify him only lacks a cover.”, she is implying that Juliet needs a man- that she should marry Paris, she is hinting to what will happen later on in the book. There are many of these metaphors in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, and they all have something to do with what will happen.

As well as the wording and text of the play there is also use of fate in the actual events. At the end of the play, Romeo is banished from Verona and when Friar John goes to tell Romeo about the plan to get back Juliet he manages to get caught up in a quarantine and so cannot deliver the message, meaning that he thinks Juliet is dead. Likewise, the same happens, when Friar Lawrence does not make it to the tomb in time. Both of these things lead to Romeo killing himself which made Juliet kill herself. They would not happen on an ordinary ocation, and so plays it’s part in fate.

William Shakespeare uses all of these things to play their own part in fate, and together they show how god is in control and how you cannot change your fate. Athough if Romeo has killed himself- which is the most terrible thing to do as you are taking the decision of your life into your own hands- then how can it be his fate that he takes the decision about his life away from God?

Your task is to identify the metaphor present in the following excerpt and then write a paragraph that explains the metaphor and its effect on the meaning of the passage it is embedded in.

MERCUTIO

True, I talk of dreams,
Which are the children of an idle brain,
Begot of nothing but vain fantasy,
Which is as thin of substance as the air
And more inconstant than the wind, who wooes
Even now the frozen bosom of the north,
And, being anger’d, puffs away from thence,
Turning his face to the dew-dropping south.

Feel free to watch the presentation again from this lesson to remind you of how to approach a passage that contains a metaphor: